My heart can deal with pain.
Pain is something I can deal with.
I am familiar with Pain. We are old friends. We have known each other for a long time, and have walked side by side, my whole life. I know pain, and I recognize it.
I can deal with Pain.
But opening my heart up and offering it to somebody. My heart has a memory of what that looks like.
The last time I opened my heart up to somebody, it was grasped out of my chest, and I lost my breath. With my loss of breath, I could feel my body starting to slowly die. As I watched my heart… helplessly, be dropped to the pavement of the city streets. The thief then decided to return and laugh at my heart, beating, without a body, as I tried to crawl my way over and put it back inside my chest. But I could never reach it, as others pushed me aside to make their way through to their destination, I was just an annoyance on the sidewalk as they walked by. My heart was trampled on until it bounced out into the middle of the road, where the traffic constantly ran it over. I watched as the blood spread across the black tar river, then the rain came, and washed the blood away, and now my heart looked like a lifeless, squashed, trampled piece of rubbish, lying in the middle of the road. You could hardly recognize it.
A body without a heart.
Eventually, I breathed my last breath, and the only thing I remember, is a giant hand, pulling my lifeless, limp body up from the side of the pavement, as the blood gushed from my chest and mouth. The next thing I know, I woke up and saw my heart sitting atop a table, with the sunlight glistening behind it. It looked different. But I knew it was my heart. I could tell by the shape of it. I pulled myself up to look a little closer and saw that my heart had been stitched back together, with what looked like a golden thread. I lifted it from atop of the table, with my weak, limp arms, and it felt heavier than before, but of course, I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t strong yet. I carefully placed my heart back inside my chest, trying to be ever so gentle. It was painful, my eyes wept, and wept and wept.
I looked at the clock, what date was it? How did I get here? Where am I? I gazed to my right and saw a limp, thin figure staring back at me. Who are you? I asked, but there was no response. What am I doing here? I asked again, but there was no response. How did I get here, can you tell me something? Please. As I tried to push myself up from the bed that I was laying on, the figure appeared to do the same thing. I began to approach them until I looked a little closer at the figure. Those eyes. I recognize those eyes. But it can’t be? The almost translucent brown, the freckle atop the nose, that only came at 11. Surely, this is not… me.
Pain, my old friend.
Then Pain came along, and said: “Do you remember me?”.
“Of course, I do” I replied. “Are we going to do this?”
“It’s not going to be easy, I have to bring a few friends along with me for this one,” said Pain
“Do I know them?” I asked
“You’ve met before… do you remember Healing and Forgiveness?” said Pain,
“This time things will be a little different, but we will work together, it won’t be like last time, this time you have new lessons to learn…” – “There is also someone else you will need to meet”
“Who?” I asked with curiosity.
No, I couldn’t, I thought to myself.
“Don’t worry, this time Love is going to teach you a different lesson, and you will be thankful for it”
“I’m not sure I’m ready” I hesitated.
“You will be, the most important person is you, and that’s what we’re here to show you”, said Pain.
So together, Pain, Healing, Forgiveness, and Love, taught me many lessons, and for years, they were my closest companions. They reminded me that in order to love, heal and forgive others, I needed to do the same to myself. And Pain, Pain taught me to always recognize him in others. Because he is there. Some choose to ignore him, but me, I’m here to help others learn how to talk to him and work with him.
So you see I recognize Pain, and I can deal with Pain. But when it comes to opening my heart up and giving it someone else, I hope it is to someone I trust, who recognizes these characters inside my self, and treats them with care, just as I have.